Posted by: purestjoy | September 6, 2008

  • When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
  • Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
  • Outer space exists because it’s afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
  • Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
  • Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

  • Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
  • Chuck Norris counted to infinity – twice.
  • There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
  • When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.
  • Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
  • Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
  • Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
  • Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
  • Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
  • Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost
  • Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
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    1. Sarah Palin’s Rice Krispies don’t go snap, crackle, pop..they go “Oh crap…quiet!!! she comes..”

      Death once had a near-Sarah Palin experience.

      Sarah Palin always beats the point spread.

      Sarah Palin uses French Canadians as bait to catch giant king salmon.

      When Sarah Palin booked a flight to Europe, the French immediately surrendered.

      Sarah Palin knows the location of DB Cooper’s body because she threw him from the plane.

      Sarah Palin can divide by zero.

      Global Warming doesn’t kill polar bears. Sarah Palin kills polar bears, with her teeth.

      Sarah Palin knows how old the Chinese gymnasts are.

      Russia sold Alaska to America because Sarah Palin would not bow to autocracy.

      Alaskan wolfpacks give Sara Palin first dibs on their kills.

      Sarah Palin will give birth to the man who will lead humanity’s war against the machines.

      Sarah Palin drives a Zamboni to work.

      Sarah Palin begins every day with a moment of silence for the political enemies buried in her yard.

      We’ll never know who would win a cage match between Chuck Norris and Sarah Palin because no cage ever constructed can hold her.

      Sarah Palin isn’t allowed to wield the gavel at the convention because they’re afraid she’ll use it to kill liberals.

      Sarah Palin is the reason compasses point North.

      Little-known fact: “Sarah Palin” is an adopted name. Her birth name is unknown, but her brother’s birth name was “Kal-El.”

      Sarah Palin told Mother Nature to calm down and stop spoiling her party: Gustav immediately dropped to Cat 2

      When Sarah Palin smiles, Chuck Norris hides.

      Sarah Palin doesn’t need to hunt bears, they give her their skins and then beg for mercy.

      A deadly snake bit Sarah Palin once..after three days of nausea, pain, vomiting, chills, fever and convulsions….the snake died.

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